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So I made a promise to myself. Now, you’re probably thinking oh Ranee had an epiphany and she’s going to change her life. I so wish it were that easy, things with me never are though. My promise was simply to lose 25 lbs in roughly 4 weeks. Not something that would be hard to do if I actually drank the water and cut out the pop and got off my rear end and did more exercise.

That was the plan. I was going to swim more and take walks with Sydney to the park and to the library. We’re in a great area to get to both in a matter of 10 minutes and in a low traffic area. Just enough to break a sweat and get some exercise going. We were even going to join the Golay Center and I was going to take advantage of the indoor pool as well as the ellipticals that they have set up downstairs.

My main goal was actually swimming, out in the open summer sun. Unfortunately it rains like every single day for some reason, the high was mid 60’s today. Kinda stinks as far as this summer has gone, but back to me in general. My surgery didn’t go as planned. It went off without a hitch, but every single day since then has been really, really stressful and painful. Today, not so bad. My main complain now is that my belly button is seeping or oozing something that smells terrible. Sexy huh?

And you may be asking why I set this goal of 25lbs in 4 weeks? It’s my check up back to the doc’s office. I started drinking more water, I even stopped eating almost completely for a couple of days due to sickness and complications. I thought I was on my way, but I’m afraid of too much physical activity because I’m afraid I’ve already pulled something loose, hence the seeping. If it starts to bleed, I’ll call the doctor. Right now I’m dealing with a little ooze and an itchy and raw area. Blech! Made me rethink childbirth completely!

We found our dream house. The location, the size, the everything, was perfect. They had an open house there Sunday so we stopped by. Yes! It was exactly what we thought it was, the best house ever! So we quickly want to put ours on the market. This means getting thing done really quick and spending some cash doing so. I started looking at pressure washers because I know we need to clean the house. That’s such a great investment to make. If there is one thing I can’t stand it’s looking at a house with caked on dirt. Believe me, I clean ours frequently during the nice weather months with the garden hose and an attachment, it still does not get it all.

Today has been, well, blah. Sydney’s been in camp last week and this week. It’s been going well, but I feel like a big huge blob. Don’t get me wrong, almost all the parents are overweight in some way, shape, or form. Heck, most of the kids are as well. It’s not that I feel like I’m a sideshow freak or something and everyone else is 100 lbs soaking wet. It’s just me.

My self esteem has never been all that. I really made it through childhood in a good way not letting myself be limited by an extra 20lbs or anything. Yet now, I’m really scared. Scared to death to go into the water or just put the suit on for fear that one of those little guys that is a chubster himself is going to snark at me. Then I’d be forced to say something really mean like what you lookin at fatty this is you in 20 years…nah nah nah nah booh boo.

Instead, I’m taking a better approach. Been sitting here reading Lipofuze reviews and wondering if a fat burner is not for me? I don’t eat a lot so I’m thinking that something to rev it up plus a little exercise might do me some good?

During the annual neighborhood wide sale today I certainly did not get bored! I had plenty to look at as the droves of families made their way around the streets looking for good deals. What cracked me up were the moms. Do you ever just stop and look at the different types of moms out there? There is the soccer mom, the really out of touch with anything fashionable mom, and then the ones who are trying their hardest to not look 35 and instead 15. Kinda like they took one too many diet pills and despite having a 3 week old baby wear a size 0? It cracked me up to watch these 30 something women attempting to hold onto their youth so desperately today.

I truly feel like it is almost impossible to get help for drugs on your own. Let me clarify, I don’t think you can kick a habit that’s lasted for years without the help of a drug rehab program. Sadly, everyone in my family is just too dumb to feel the same way or they don’t have the guts/knowledge to do anything differently.

My cousin needs help. I’ve mentioned that he should go to rehab over and over. I am always met with the same thing, he’s getting help, he quit cold turkey and he’s talking to others for support. Ok, but he’s not learning the tools that he needs to deal with this disease nor is he understanding the reasons he does this.

I’m also hesitant when I find out that he’s claiming to get help from the methadone clinic, when honestly, his problem doesn’t mesh with that type of treatment. Yet, family members believe this until the next time they see him high and then they just chalk it up to oh well he’s high again.

That’s not good enough for me. Why? Because I care about him and I care about his children so I set out to arm myself with knowledge for the next big “situation” that occurs with him. I’ve been looking things up on the net and since I my dream is to obtain a degree in social work and help children and families in the future I’m also contemplating getting a drug and alcohol certificate from Indiana University to go along with it.

One of my favorite things to do is read. I’m not really a bookie, I’m into magazines. I love all the tips, tricks, and heart warming stories of a good woman based magazine. I know, I’m a total housewife and mom aren’t I? The problem is, our house is so dark. I find myself straining to see anything I’m attempting to read, especially fine print!

My husband likes it dark, and at times I do too. I admit I love a dark house when I’m watching a movie, or even good tv show, but for reading? Not so much. I need that option to turn on some lights and make it bright. If I don’t get some better home lighting I’m going to work my eyes so hard that I’ll end up with more headaches, and nobody wants that!

So my grandma is really sick. It’s really hard for me because she’s decided to not take her treatments anymore. I just hate to think of the no hope situation. She’s got cancer, and it keeps coming back. She’s over 80, and she’s just worn down at this point. Chemo would not be a great choice.

My grandpa did everything he could until the end and died from cancer. Other than that, every death close to me has been a sudden one and not one where someone was terminally ill. I remembered talking to my friend who lost her husband after he did tons of Mesothelioma treatments and how she talked about the pain of watching him slowly die.

Even though I kept saying things like I can imagine how it felt to her, I really had no clue until recently!

Ok, my husband is really starting to annoy me with these computer issues. He keeps telling me he’ll get it fixed, we have a couple of issues going on that we have yet to resolve at home. Basically we have some virus that causes our computer to just shut down. Very annoying. He’s said he would either take it in to get it fixed/looked at, or buy memory, or purchase a new computer altogether. Yet, I’m sitting here typing while risking it happening right now and losing all my work.

I’ve taken the necessary steps of telling him what to save for me on a cd that I can’t live without and he still hasn’t done that! This is after he asked, it’s not like I’m telling him to do it all. I guess I’m going to have to man up and take my technologically impaired self to some computer guy to have it looked at! Wish me luck!

I was browsing the Westgate reservations site and looking at some really great vacations. There are so many places we’d love to visit, but can’t really decide on anywhere. I can’t push my husband to commit to anything and actually go. He’s so fickle when it comes to travel. I’m just so in need of a vacation and getting out of this boring state I live in. There is nothing fun at all to do here. If I had it all to do over, I’d move someplace close to the ocean so it was not a big deal to get there!

I need to make some major purchases when it comes to electronics and I’m wondering if I should hit a Circuit City before I commit to anything? I’ve never been to one, but I hear rave things about them from all my friends in other towns. We have nothing really in the way of electronics stores like that so I don’t have anything to compare it to. I do need to purchase a new digital camera, since I lost mine on Easter weekend. I also may need a new computer since this one seems to be on it’s last leg. I guess it’s worth a trip out of town to look at the deals they may have and the money I may save????